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Bex Hall > liver transplant

liver transplant

My essay is published in Stories of Hope

May 6, 2022

A collection in Transplant Living

Bex Hall: The letter I wrote to a stranger

Filed Under: Writing Tagged With: creative life, liver transplant

The letter I wrote to a stranger

May 3, 2022

Photo by John Jennings via Unsplash

The day after my liver transplant, as the fog of anesthesia cleared, a cloud of deep sorrow settled in its place.

As days turned to weeks, I regained physical stability, but my emotions remained shaky. I wrestled with guilt and gratitude. Someone, somewhere had lost a loved one and because of this I got to live. I had survivor’s guilt.

During a counseling session, the therapist shared an interesting perspective.

She said, “This individual, either choosing beforehand to be a donor, or through the kindness of their family, gave a gift freely and without conditions. You, as the recipient of this gift of life and love, have only one response that could ever be enough. Live your life to the fullest, and love unconditionally, as someone did for you. That’s the only way you could ever respond properly to that gift.”

Her advice helped with my struggle, and I looked for ways to carry out just that.

A little over a year after my transplant, I felt like I finally had something more than the words “thank you” to convey, so I wrote and mailed the donor’s family a letter with my condolences and gratitude. And I closed with:

In honor of your loved one, my husband and I planted a memorial garden. It contains 400 spring bulbs and thousands of summer wildflower seeds in a 40’ x 4’ strip in our backyard. It should grow into a colorful tribute to your person who so selflessly gave me a second chance to live. — With all my love forever, Bex


The garden is and remains, a continuous cycle of life and love.

One morning in the gratitude garden.
Spring in the gratitude garden.

This is the 37th story in the Objects as Waypoints Writing Project series.

Photo of pen and note by John Jennings on Unsplash

Filed Under: Memoir in Objects Tagged With: liver transplant, the 100 day project 2022, the objects

The thing that’s not really an object

May 2, 2022

But I see it every day

Photo: Rodrigo Capuski via Getty Images
Mercedes logo shaped scar from liver transplant surgery.

October 22, 2014

As I was being wheeled into surgery for a liver transplant, the surgeon asked me what kind of scar I wanted. Confused, I asked him to clarify. He said he can make the incision in one of two ways. It was my choice. I could either have a Mercedes or a Lexus logo on my abdomen. I could choose my scar.

That’s positive thinking right there. That’s saying this wound will heal. And it did. It took some time. In fact, for many weeks, a small portion refused to mend. It became red and inflamed. I had to keep it clean and care for it to avoid infection. Turned out a stitch hadn’t dissolved properly and, like a burr under a saddle, it rankled and caused pain. Wouldn’t mend.

After the errant stitch disappeared, the wound fully healed. There’s no physical pain now, just a semblance of a Mercedes logo—a three-pointed star I see when I look in the mirror.


This is the 36th story in the Objects as Waypoints Writing Project series.

Photo: Rodrigo Capuski via Getty Images

Filed Under: Memoir in Objects Tagged With: choose your scar, liver transplant, the 100 day project 2022, the objects

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About Bex

 

Bex Hall

Her writing has appeared in various online and print publications, most recently in Kerning, a literary magazine, and in the Stories of Hope Collection in Transplant Living. Her artwork has appeared and sold through the Grayson Gallery. She blogs here about creative life and creates in Studio BE overlooking the Ohio River. Her work in progress is a memoir about the secret life of objects.

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  • The 100 Day Project

    50 short stories in 100 days.

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  • Creative practice goals:

    Show up every day behind the pen, the brush, or the lens and share my work.

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